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October 2006 Carol Chase and Mair Alight

Even people who say they don’t like puppets seem to have a hard time resisting playing with puppets. I remember the reluctance of some of the prison inmates, saying things like “hey, I’m not playing with no puppets”. Ten minutes later this same man had the puppet on his right hand and was stroking it with his left as if it were a real animal. It seemed to meet his need for warmth and comfort and was a tender scene to observe. I especially am grateful for “my colleagues”, as Mair affectionately refers to the Jackal and Giraffe, when I am working alone as they afford me the image of simulating working with another person to demonstrate the language. I also have more predictability of how the puppet is going to respond to me.

I often use my bear hands to imitate the puppets when I am working out an internal conflict. One hand as jackal will state its point of view and then the other hand as giraffe will empathize. Once the jackal has been heard the giraffe expresses the other point of view.The exchange continues until each has heard the other’s need. After several exchanges, I am often tickled as I realize I no longer know who is who as the exchange has now become a “giraffe dance” where both are hearing and speaking from the heart. It is much easier for me to decide what I want to do when I am deciding from needs rather than strategies. For example if I am uncertain about spending money on a big ticket item, choosing to go ahead because it meets my need for self-care, fun and appreciation has much more appeal to me than because “I deserve it”. Or, conversely declining to spend the money because that would meet my need for financial securityand ease in keeping with my budget is different from deciding because “I can’t afford it.” With the latter reasons, there is a sense of rightness or wrongness to the decisions, whereas when I decide from needs, my choice is always moving towards satisfying some part of me.

If you’d like more information about trainings and/or counseling, go to the calendar for dates.

January 2007. From Carol Chase

I am always amazed when someone comes to my class that I am concerned might struggle with the material and they turn out to be the person that has a child-like understanding of the concepts and share them with glee. I had such an experience in a recent jail class with one of the inmates. An older toothless fellow who looked like he had had some “hard times” was this exception for me. To my delight, several times that I posed a question to reinforce the material, he would be the one to respond with the answer I was hoping for. Most of the times it was “feelings and needs”. By the end of the class we had mutual enjoyment of the question and answer and I left with a certainty that we had both gained from the experience in ways we had not expected.

I am also celebrating that all 12 men shared that they were there because they wanted to learn something “different” and there was a shared understanding that it begins from the “inside out”.

A couple I worked with recently told me that hearing the pain of the other in terms of their needs started a healing process for them that gave them hope they could remain friends and still take care of themselves as they progress through their divorce. When I observe the healing power of empathy, I am grateful and in awe of such beauty and simplicity.

Here’s a response from a recent workshop reciepient:

Hi ALL; I have gratitude and joy when I think of our time together and cherish the connection and support. For me, the total transformation came in seeing how much things change when I change how I look at them. I’m celebrating a very different outcome at our business meeting today. My partner used the words “impatient” and “difficult” in describing me at our last meeting. I imagined I was (the Great Translator) and asked if she was feeling frustrated about a lack of mutuality in the meeting. But before I spoke I dropped into my gut to psychically connect with my partner and imagined my words traveling through my heart before they came out of my mouth. I was pleased to notice that I was still breathing at the time and we established greater clarity about the topic discussed.
- unsolicited feedback in a letter to the group from a workshop participant.

Carol at Family Camp

Carol Chase, International Certified Trainer 

for Center for Nonviolent Communication, offers instruction in:

  Counseling - individuals and families

  Corporate training and job performance reviews

  Mediation - court, families, couples, organizations

  As well as classes, workshop and basic introductions.

Basic Class: 6 week Workbook Study beginning TBA - with REV. CAROL - Chapters 1-6 of the Language of the Heart & Companion Workbook, through reading, exercises, role-play and changing habits of thought and speech. $85.

Intermediate 4 week Class TBA. NEW Life Lab format. Each individual will have the opportunity to choose a specific goal(s) they want to achieve in the 4 weeks which could be a challenge they have using NVC or a personal challenge. We will develop strategies and objects to meet the goal. At the end we will mutually assess whether or not the goal was partially or completely attained.

Every Sunday 1-3 p.m. drop-in Video/Practice group at the Center for Spiritual Living, 2075 Occidental Road, Santa Rosa, CA 546-4543, ext. 113. See the author of Nonviolent Communication, Marshall Rosenberg as he presents an intermediate training to participants. We will view this 8 part video one hour at a time for 8 weeks. Each session is followed by an hour of practice and skill building. Suggested donations $25-$5. Terri Moon and Rev. Carol rotate facilitation.

Sunday, 1-3 p.m. Basic Introduction of Nonviolent Communication at the Center for Spiritual Living, 2075 Occidental Road, Santa Rosa, CA 546-4543, ext. 113. Come learn the foundational pieces of Nonviolent Communication in a fun, interactive two hour introduction with Carol Chase

6 week study group. Two hours of study for 6 consecutive weeks to integrate the basic learning of the concepts and tools. Next “Continuation” class begins Thursday, Oct. 16 from 6:30-8:30 at the Center for Spiritual Living.

Contact Reverend Carol Chase for sign up: (707) 546-4543, ext. 113, carol@cslsr.org